I wish I had a vision for life. Some noble purpose, even as minuscule as helping a passerby in need. Some sort of feeling that doesn’t forsake you when fear rushes in. I wonder if there is meaning to anything. I wonder if I have any place in this world. I hear the laughter and joy of others, begging to know the secrets of their happiness. As if to reach out for a lifeboat with all the strength I can muster, only to vanish before my eyes like a vapor in the wind. All is vanity. What hope is there to try to continue on? My friends encourage me to do what feels good; to give up. Do I continue to listen? They speak when there is nothing else. Silence echoes their words. Am I dreaming? What is really real?
I wonder if I should ever wake from this dream. To experience the joy of life seen in others around me. Work, home, effort, exhaustion, decay; my world spins. The faint glimpse of light under a sea of misery is ever waning. I reach out grasping for the light with my last breath, hoping I will wake and everything will be normal.
I lay down to sleep. Hoping to rest my mind and ease my fears. Only to wake up again, knowing life has not given up on me yet. I must continue on. Lost without a compass and devoid of direction, I sit up. Shortness of breath overtakes my mind. Consciousness flickering in the daylight. When will I sleep? When will this nightmare end? I look around this empty room. Not a soul to be found. I hear my friends in the distance. Echoes of a time I once knew. I wish I had chosen nicer friends. Their advice keeps my mind in chaos. What I once knew was real leaves me baffled.
This moment feels reminiscent of another time. As if my life were repeating itself endlessly