Being stuck in the house has given me time to work on an online course I’ve been putting off, read books/watch shows I’ve always wanted to read/watch, take up new hobbies, and generally improved my mood. In a way, this whole pandemic has sort of taught me that I “thrive” in isolation in terms of my productivity and happiness.
Only problem is, being isolated has always been the biggest problem in my life. Before this mess started, I requested work from home for office because I didn’t really have close friends, wasn’t involved with anything, and had lost my enthusiasm for basically everything. I had a tendency to isolate myself and try and do everything on my own, which I usually viewed as a sort of positive character trait. But being in a new and more difficult environment, my individualism kinda screwed me over and made me miserable.
When Covid-19 hit, all my friends came back as well and I figured I could work on opening up more by reaching out to them. However, sometimes I feel like I don’t even want to reach out to them. I don’t really have much to share with them, so I find it difficult to carry legitimate conversations most of the time. In fact, I usually just prefer to go back to whatever I was working on. This bothers me just because I feeling like I’m just reverting back to the same behaviors that made me unhappy, and that when I go back I’m going to be unhappy again.
If anything, this Work from home situation and pandemic has taught me that I’m naturally introverted person who hates being introverted. I prefer to be alone but hate feeling lonely, and I know I can do a better job reaching out to others but find it difficult nonetheless. This makes all the stuff I’ve done during my leave seem pointless since I know I haven’t truly changed, and I’m worried that I’ll be stuck feeling the way I always have once things return to normal.